(Can we fall in love daily?)
I hope someday we're in a situation where you can prove me wrong- but more often than not I still see that is not what you want or wanted most- although it may appear via your words that you want it more sometimes, I'm still getting more feedback on the physical.
Which saddens me- because any man or woman on the planet can want that from me. They don't need to know me, don't need to care about me, to imagine my lips pressed into a kiss. They can want that from just seeing the way my hips move when I walk. I need you to value me more than that. It was never my first priority with you or with anyone, I want you to talk to me as if talking to me is all you'll ever be able to do, not waiting for the moment when your lips touch mine and you can finally achieve some form of physical satisfaction. Kiss me as though kissing is all you'll ever be allowed to do. I want to spend my days making you laugh. Making love to you is nice but I had to make a choice of one or the other I know where my priorites would lay and as much as I would hate that my fingertips were to never touch your skin again I'd miss your words more.
Perhaps this is because I am female, perhaps this is not your intent to make me think this at all, but I have our past, our present, and every other being on the planet that finds me attractive wanting that one thing from me until it's gone. Then they suffice for my words when it's clear I will not share my body with them. But they still see it as a sacrifice. But that feeling of love remains because what I can give verbally and emotionally is so much more than I could ever offer physically but no one wants just that. I have friends who accept the true me and what I can give, we love each other in and out and back again regardless of physical intimacy, I need you to love me more than that if we are to be happy together. If you had realized that my value does not lay in my body but in so much more of me, perhaps I could have given you all of me for every second of every day.
They don't realize that is the me, words, thoughts ideas, conversations, that actually means anything. That is actually worth a damn. That is what makes me different. They want my body pressed against theirs. Hip bones thrusting and hands pressed together, words whispered late into the night. They can't see it as love or a relationship without my body being theirs. Not my mind, not my heart, not my thoughts, not my love.
I could have been happy just feeling your breath on my skin as you told me of your days. Every day. All of my life. When I think about being happy with you I picture your collarbones when you hug me hello, your dimples when you laugh at my antics, the way you react differently to what I have to say than what I might expect, that sparkle in your eye when you are making me laugh. That there isn't anyone else in the world like you or even remotely close to what and who you are.
I happily wanted to spend the rest of my life getting to know you, your intricacies, your secrets, what makes you laugh, what makes you sassy, what makes your walls go up and what brings them down and so much more. That I was absolutely enamored of you. You, first and foremost wanted me, as yours, to be in your bed. It seems that if you didn't have a stake in my body, and ready access to it, it wasn't enough. It wouldn't be enough. I wasn't enough.
Does anyone else see what's wrong with this picture or is it just me.
I want someone who would never need that to love me, to be in love with me, but who would be grateful for the gift of sharing it with me as I would be in return. That conversation would be more important than flesh on flesh-- because one would lead into the other but not the other way around.
3 comments:
"Does anyone else see what's wrong with this picture or is it just me?"
I think others see what's wrong this picture, but I don't think everyone agrees. Obviously it's more important to share the mental you than it is to share your body. Sharing thoughts, feelings, knowledge, experience... these are the things that anchor the depths of friendship and that make strong the fickleness of love.
Don't forget, however, that in addition to our mental and emotional selves, we are all physical beings as well. The things you express love for, the beauty in the world, the exciting things we do, the memories that are made, these are the result of the physical things we experience in our lives. From having a simple, meaningful conversation with a loved one to sitting silently and watching the sunset with a bottle of wine at the top of a hill in an olive grove in Tuscany, the emotional and mental impact is what's important here but it's our interaction with the physical world around us that makes this possible. So then, it's also important that when exploring the depths of love with someone, you explore all avenues of physical being as well.
I don't think it's fair to assume that someone should be completely satisfied with love and companionship with you while they're being denied part of who you are as a human. To give yourself entirely to another person requires giving the physical you as well. Is it as meaningful? Of course not. As you've articulated, anyone can want to be with you physically and they don't even have to know you. But when considering the completeness of love between two people, to consider the entirety of what it means to put your all into it, you must consider that this means putting the physical you out there as well. It doesn't matter how much you have to give, after all, it only matters that you give everything you can.
Haha, all of that said, yeah, if someone just wants you for the physical you, then they're missing out on the rest of you and they aren't worth the time and are clearly worthy of a little contempt.
I respect your opinion, and I can see your perspective. I just will have to agree to disagree.
I in no way believe that when I share my love and companionship with someone that I am denying them anything. I am choosing to share something with them and choosing to not share something with them be that the case at that time. It is not their right to have it or demand it, any of it, in my opinion. I do not believe that if I have neglected parts of the relationship that I am still owed that the other person give me everything I want in the relationship. If I was to emotionally neglect my partner I would not expect that he/she should have a physical interaction with me because we are together. I don't believe I should only give to the parts of the relationship I want to give to and be able to have that person in whatever aspect I want at any given time. It's a partnership, it's a relationship. If I was to say to my friend, look I have not made time for you and I've ignored you and now I want you to drop whatever your doing and forget that I've mistreated our friendship and do whatever I want to do, I believe that would be wrong. I guess that's how I view relationships as well to some degree.
If my other partner does not want to have a meaningful conversation because I've been a bitch all day I can easily understand that. If my other partner does not want to drop what he's doing because I want to go play on the swings because he's tied up with important work I understand that. If there are insufficient funds than a physical interaction can overdraft the account and put the relationship in the red--- see link for a blog describing this --->http://www.dearzanny.com/2009/10/17/relationships-are-like-bank-accounts/
In my rant and some other blogs I'm describing how I feel when a physical interaction is expected to any degree when the relationship has had many large withdrawals and few to no deposits. Of course this is not always the case. In my case, this was.
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