In with the Good and out with the Bad.

Life as it stands cycles through seasons, year in and year out as if nothing has changed. Today comes after yesterday and fades into tomorrow without any notice and then all of a sudden yesterday was the first snowfall and cold Colorado air catching in your throat as you stand steaming mug of cocoa in hand in your snow boots on your large back porch first thing in the morning in beautiful silence and today the birds of paradise are in full bloom outside of your Hollywood apartment and the sun shimmers off the pool just outside of your only window in your new tiny studio where the new vivid life dances within your every inhale and exhale.

Here I find myself, 7 months into the year of 2012 asking what trickery of time travel is this. Yet this happens over and over again. Who I am is astounded who I was in what feels mere moments before dwelling on the knowledge that seemingly mere moments from now I will be reliving this same feeling. Does this deem I am living in the moment or just another passerby in this screening of a life.

I suppose only time will tell.

Your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone.

Please Read:

http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/

"There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?

Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.

This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data."

Thank You LV

The same day I get a message which I immediately hit spam and refused to read due to someone speaking out of anger and/or pain which has resorted to calling me nasty names and implying awful things about my character I got the most lovely e-mail from my mentor, a father figure and a friend. Someone who I've been speaking in depth with about life, love and other mysteries such as the world, religion, sociology, psychology and ourselves for nearly a year now.

I know who I am. I'm so glad that there are those of you who have taken the time to get to know me as well as let me into your lives to get to know your wonderful selves.

Some things I know, that maybe you should know.

http://madeinheights.bandcamp.com/album/aporia-in-these-treets

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner,

no matter what they tell you,

it's not because they enjoy solitude.

It's because they have tried to blend into the world before,

and people continue to disappoint them.

"Talking with quiet confidence will always beat screaming with obvious insecurity."

"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing."

"Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of a bike ride."

"It is not what they call you. It's what you answer to."

"Everything happens for a reason, except the things you fuck up by yourself."

"In a relationship, when communication starts to fade, everything else follows."

"Don't ask what the meaning of life is. You define it."

"Never ruin an apology with an excuse."

A letter to S.

I think it get's harder the older we get- to re-connect with old friends and to make new ones. We get hurt and hold onto scars to remind ourselves that things can hurt us and to be careful- not only in relationships but in friendships as well. I find it difficult to meet people out here. Everyone seems to be superficial- I doubt they all are, perhaps just putting up a front because it's hard to be real all the time and just have it overlooked. It's hard to make male friends- because initially they just want to bed me. I imagine for a male it's hard to make female friends because initially they think you just want to bed them? They don't even bother to get to know me before attempting to get me naked or bring it to the next level. 

Anyway.. My point is- that it seems harder than it did at 19 when I moved to CO- I can't decide if it's that i'm older, that it's CA, or that everyone is working under more pressure to find the person they spend the rest of their life with that they forget the most important part of that person- I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who is not just my lover but my best friend. It feels as though if you skip the getting to know each other first truly and deeply you never get there, just get caught up in the physical.

I imagine it's harder for you too.

Siren song

I have been thinking of
Drawing a blue line of horizon around my room
The mermaid part of me
Yearns for the sight of the sea

I'll turn my bed into my boat
The duvet will become my sail
Do not worry for I will stay afloat
Laughter is my gale