Caught in the glow

I understand first with my heart, and only then do I rationalize what I know intuitively. Is this why my emotions are always being pulled back in forth. Or is either my head or heart just a bad judge of character? Learning to know when to say no seems to be my lifetime project and yet I never know if I have made the right choice until it is too late. I am continuously fooled by those whom I deem to be honest and trustworthy. Yet there are many who have been true.

I fight hard for stability, for the strength and balance of some sort of purpose in my life, and I struggle with deeply hidden insecurities that most of you have never seen. Nor ever will for they live deep in the shadows and have for longer than I can remember.

I fight for others in things in which I cannot stand up for myself in. I see life through rose colored glasses but do I really, when often I wonder if I am only fooling myself?

I am no leader but I have been your guide, confidante, and friend. I can see the light in you that you may believe has been snuffed out or never even been kindled and I know how to make it burn brightly again. I see what is inside you. What you even hide from yourself at times and sometimes that may scare you. Like shining a bright light in the dark, it takes some time for your eyes to dilate and get used to being caught in the glow.

I'm tougher than you think, and smarter, and I see what you think of me even though you keep it wrapped in smiles. I see the harsh judgments and smile because you can't see beyond what you are looking to find. To look beneath the surface scares you and that saddens my heart, for your life can never truly know any depth if you are to afraid of causing ripples.